Posts Tagged ‘government’

The occult of warrior Mars and royal Jupiter on 26th January will dominate the planetary motions in our heads, guts, backsides and wallets for the next six years. The official Citizen’s News astrologer Mr Ahasrahas analyses the implications of the above cosmic event to determine the extent to which we will get screwed in the […]


10 January 2010, Colombo, Sri Lanka – The government in an emergency press briefing today, announced that it will take steps to overhaul the national security strategy of the island. The government defence spokesman, Minister Kokila Bathalahitawanna admitted that a post-war review of the defence plan had exposed glaring gaps in the national security strategy […]


Colombo, Sri Lanka – Researchers at the Sri Lankan Ministry of Defence and their counterparts at the LTTE Humanitarian Research Institute at Puthukkudiyirippu (formerly based in Kilinochchi) have been competing for months to produce the most accurate calculation of the value of life available to humanity. The defence ministry spokesman who leads the government research […]


Colombo, Sri Lanka – Our sources revealed that the Sri Lankan government was admitted to the proctology ward of the General hospital late last week after it complained about abdominal dysfunctions and severe pains in the butt. Leading British proctologist, Doctor Des Browne was pushed in to examine the government even before he was consulted. […]


Colombo, Sri Lanka – With the drawn out military campaign against terrorism in its last phase, the Sri Lankan government has taken a decision to divert the country’s defence budget to fund science & technology, education and research. Economists point out that the move will power the Sri Lankan economy out of it’s recent set-backs […]


Colombo, Sri Lanka – The Secretary General of the Sri Lankan government’s Secretariat for Coordinating the Peace Process (SCOPP) told reporters that the government is still committed to a negotiated political settlement. The chief of the LTTE political wing P Nadesan (alias Padasami Hari Gandeswaran) was not immediately available for comment. Our sources confirmed that […]


Colombo, Sri Lanka – Sources of intelligence have warned that men with moustaches are a threat to national security in Sri Lanka. The elusive leader and his subordinates of the LTTE – also known as the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Elam (now spelt as Ezham – apparently to confuse the advancing government forces) whose moustaches […]