Posts Tagged ‘civilians’

The occult of warrior Mars and royal Jupiter on 26th January will dominate the planetary motions in our heads, guts, backsides and wallets for the next six years. The official Citizen’s News astrologer Mr Ahasrahas analyses the implications of the above cosmic event to determine the extent to which we will get screwed in the […]


Chennai, India: Former chief minister of Tamil Nadu, Jayaram Jayalalitha lost her contract with the world renowned ‘Jenny Craig Weight Loss Program’ when she failed to loose the 25kg in 7 days. Speaking to reporters soon after her failed attempt, she emphasised that she never wanted the money, but wanted to set an example to […]


Colombo, Sri Lanka – Our sources revealed that the Sri Lankan government was admitted to the proctology ward of the General hospital late last week after it complained about abdominal dysfunctions and severe pains in the butt. Leading British proctologist, Doctor Des Browne was pushed in to examine the government even before he was consulted. […]