LTTE pilot offers tax break to Sri Lankans



London (February 21st) –Two Grammy Award winning paper planes of the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Elam (LTTE) crashed in Colombo last night, killing two people and injuring 58 others according to our sources in Sri Lanka. The first plane exploded into the Inland Revenue Department building while the other one was reportedly shot down near Katunayake when its pilot’s identity was mistaken for a prominent journalist.

Moments after the attack, the pro-LTTE web media quoted the finance secretary of the banned terrorist organisation who claimed that their mission in crashing a plane into the Inland Revenue building was to give hard working Sri Lankans and local businesses a tax break. “We want to encourage small and medium businesses to reinvest their tax savings on capital infrastructure and productivity gains to boost the lagging economy during these tough economic conditions” he said.

The defence spokesman pointed out that the government has taken steps to eliminate the tiger air-threat so that citizens of Sri Lanka would not only have a real chance of winning the next Cricket World Cup under a stronger captain, but also be able to watch the final game without any interruptions. However, he declined to comment on what actions the government will take against opposition players who use squash balls to improve their bat grip. “We have also found out that our Sophisticated Fireworks System (SFS) could be used as an Actual Air Defence System (AADS) when the pilots are suicidal” he said.

Our sources have also confirmed that the Sri Lankan military had intercepted the radio communications between pilots and their command centre in Mulativu. One of the kamikaze-style pilots who was reportedly using a pocket torch to navigate his plane is said to have commented that Energizer batteries are definitely more longer lasting than Eveready, while the other had radioed back a profound remark about the absolute certainty of death and taxes.


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