Captain resigns

12Feb09

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Colombo, Sri Lanka – Mahela Jayawardene, the Sri Lankan Cricket captain was criticised yesterday for setting a bad example by resigning after his team’s dismal performance in the recently concluded one-day international series. His one-time fan and present leader of the opposition accused the Cricketer of making way for a more talented and inspiring leader who is capable of putting his team and country on a winning path.

The opposition leader was not alone among politicians who criticised Mahela. The executive president of the country made no attempt to hide his disappointment when he accused the Cricketer of acting in the best interests of the country. “You always have to be a patriotic leader” the president said in a letter to Mahela, reminding him further that “Dr. Dutugamunu did not retire after he lost the game against Rupavahini, and I did not ask him to retire. You must be patriotic and not retire”. The president also accused the outgoing captain of stealing two prawn cutlets from his plate at the reception held at President’s House soon after the Asia Cup last year.

The Thalaivar of the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Elam (LTTE) told civilians who are stubbornly refusing to leave the Wanni, that Mahela was a racist Singhala looser because he resigned when his side had been completely and utterly defeated. The Thalaivar also promised his people that he will win the war by driving out the occupying forces of the racist Singhala government at least 18 months before the next World Cup.

Elaborating on the Thalaivar’s comments, a member of the Totally National Affliction (TNA) pointed out that “Our last performances against Zimbabwe and Bangladesh shows the world that Tamils are being oppressed in Sri Lanka. Racist Singhalese like Mahela, Jayasuriya and Sangakkara got out for low scores putting too much pressure on Murali to perform with the bat to rescue the racist Sri Lankan Cricket team”.

A senior member of the team who spoke on condition of anonymity commented that “It s really sad that we are really in this really bad situation which will be a really good situation if we find a really good captain who can bat really well. The boys also played really well”.

The actual reason for Mahela’s resignation is unclear, however he has hinted that his successor will face formidable challenges on the road leading up to the next World Cup. Foremost among those will be to teach Dilhara which side of the crease to bowl from and finding Michael a permanent job as a coconut picker or toddy-taper so that a real batsman could have a place in the side. Mahela is expected remain in the side as a player. Sources close to the team have also revealed that in-form but aging Jayasuriya may retire within the next 25 -50 years unless he is recalled to the team by selectors.

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One Response to “Captain resigns”

  1. 1 Dee

    “Racist Singhalese like Mahela, Jayasuriya and Sangakkara got out for low scores putting too much pressure on Murali to perform with the bat to rescue the racist Sri Lankan Cricket team” – Sheer genius. had me laughing for a full 5 minutes!! excellent work!


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