Beware of moustacheists



Colombo, Sri Lanka – Sources of intelligence have warned that men with moustaches are a threat to national security in Sri Lanka. The elusive leader and his subordinates of the LTTE – also known as the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Elam (now spelt as Ezham – apparently to confuse the advancing government forces) whose moustaches has costed the lives of nearly eighty thousand Sri Lankans are the key suspects identified by intelligence as serious threats.

The undisputed King Kakille Rajaposterior reiterated in his latest address to the nation that “all moustaches should be considered a threat to the freedoms and liberties enjoyed by Sri Lankans and the Sri Lankan way of life”. Earlier in the week, the defence secretary had explained to journalists at a press conference that “there is no such thing as a good moustache and a bad moustache.” The consternated journalists seemed too nervous to ask the popular government official about his opinion of beards and pubic hair.


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